The Realization

On Saturday we attended a wedding.  I LOVE WEDDINGS!!!!  My husband’s co-worker’s daughter was getting married.  I was super excited when we got the invite a few months back, because in case you didn’t know I LOVE WEDDINGS!!!  I was also excited because this wedding is essentially a free date night for us and who doesn’t like free?  The wedding it self was super fast (under 15 minutes) and we headed to the reception.  Since the wedding was a co-worker thing we knew most of the guests and had a great time chatting during the cocktail hour.  We sat with some of our best friends and enjoyed a great meal and the cake was (insert sing songy voice) awe- so-me.  If you know me in real life you know how I feel about cake, if I say it’s good it’s damn good cake.  Both dad’s gave speeches that made me cry (I cry at every. single. wedding.)  As I listened to him talk about how much he loved his little girl my Husband rubbed my arm and handed me tissues.  It brought back memories of our wedding and thoughts of future wedding for my kids, so I cried some more.

After the first dance I excused myself to the restroom to make sure my make up wasn’t running all over my face.  As I was walking out a Kayne West song came on.  Again if you know me you know how I feel about dancing, I am a dancing fool.  Nothing keeps me off the dance floor, nothing.  Even being 8 months pregnant can not keep my away from the chacha slide, and yes I can still get low whilst I am ginormous.  So of course I head straight to the dance floor because heck I’m finally not pregnant for a work function and I know most of these people.  I’m dancing in my usual circle of friends and a new song starts, while I try to figure out what it is I hear cheers behind me.  I look over my shoulder to see the wedding party in their own circle, dancing, singing, and drinking to their hearts desire.  And then it hits me Holy shit, I am an old person.  I am an almost 30 stay at home mom of two kids.  How did this happen?  In my mind I am still the young, newlywed, fun-loving, staying out until 3 am, doing tequila shots, Chrissy.  In reality I am so not her anymore.

I continued to dance and have a great time, but I kept thinking about the me I used to be.  In the past 3 years the only time I have been up until 3 am was with a sick baby.  I have done my fair share of dancing at weddings, Christmas parties, and in Zumba, but we haven’t been to a club in at least 4 years.  I may or may not have ton a few tequila shooters since becoming a mom…  I laughed out loud thinking about how excited I was to come to this wedding so I could have 3 child free hours and eat a meal that I didn’t cook and maybe even get to taste it while it was still hot.  Is that really all it takes to get me excited these days?  And I have to admit I missed my kids, my heart thumped extra hard when the adorable ring bearers walked down the aisle.

While I am not ancient by any means, I am older and I would like to think wiser then I was 8 years ago when I left home.  I have already lived a full life, but it is nothing compared to the years I will spend parenting my little ones.  I do miss the chance to be carefree some days, but I will get the chance to do that again… maybe when they are 30.


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